butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
