My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
