He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
