New invention idea: vibrating tampons
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
