i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
