Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
