I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
