In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
