Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
