Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
