Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
