miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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