I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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