I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
