he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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