I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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