That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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