I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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