im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
