"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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