I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
