so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
