I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
