loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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