I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
