We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
