i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
