If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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