I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have feelings that need drinking.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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