I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
