This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
