how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
