god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
