I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
