oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
