evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
