how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
