i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i dont even know how to be here
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
