its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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