no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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