I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
