we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
