i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
