is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
