Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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