im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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