I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
