i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
