I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
