Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
